Mindfulness

Last week Friday I participated within a few workshops that had similar themes; stress relief, positive thinking and mindfulness. I recently decided I need to learn how to deal better with my stress, I have mentioned a few times in previous post why I began writing. Since writing is not so much an outlet for my stress and has become a goal that I want to pursue in order to hopefully get an agent and published I realize to do so I must be in good space to write, but its easier said than done, stress is defined as: A force exerted when one body or body part presses on, pulls on, pushes against, or tends to compress or twist another body or body part. When I am stress it really does feel like something is pulling inside my heart, my head feels heavy, my entire body is tensed. Source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stress Mindfulness is defined as: Bearing in mind;inclined to be aware I'd learned via my education as Child Youth Worker how important positive thinking is, coping when life sometimes feels like someone is repeatedly kicking one in the shins, my purpose is to teach mindfulness to the various clients I work with however, the snag is that I do not follow my own training and the result for me is increase stress. So to have a healthy mental health I have worked into my schedule few things to begin that process. *Exercise: Working out three times a week has helped me not only my self esteem but also focusing my energy away from stress *Meditation: No music just one with myself rejecting the negative thinking, experiences and focusing my mind so that it will record so to speak positive experiences and thinking. A bit of stress is good though because it doesn't make people comfortable thus never growing, so basically to have a healthy lifestyle everything one goes through has to be balanced, life is a continuous circle at times the circle may be spinning so fast and it only slows down when one allows themselves to take in a long deep breath release the tension and focus on their own mindfulness. A wonderful friend at work mentioned something to me a few weeks ago that stuck with me, she said no one can control or affect the way I feel only I do. Keisha Martin

Random poetry

Hurt 

 Feels like a knife. 

 Wielding in my heart.

 Coldness. Darkness. Stupid. 

 Blinded by the real you Betrayal. 

 Awakening mirage of someone else. Ruthless. Shallow. 

 Throws away values at a whim. 

Mind. Body. Soul. Refreshed. 

 Cleansed from the memory. time will heal the wound. 

 Breathe and not think of you.

Nostalgia

The term nostalgia describes a sentimental longing for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations. The meaning of the word above has been significant as of late, seems life sometimes decides to give me a huge kick in the shin and taunt me about it...alright a bit melodramatic, the truth. I want happiness. The same way I want happiness for my imaginary characters however, a great writer who hones his her craft knows in order to do that suffering must happen, but the reality is I know that in order to grow my experiences although painful at times will make me a better individual and also happiness cannot be appreciated unless I am in the moment I can't hope, wish for it when it happens that is when it will make sense. My happiness hopefully will come in the form of getting a great agent/published but aside from that my true happiness that gets ignored sometimes is the air in my lungs and the love that I receive from my loved ones.

REAPER NOVICE: Pay it forward to an awesome writer

REAPER NOVICE Amazon buy link Blog Amazon description 17- year- old Ana Maria Tei’s life has always been perfect: loving parents, good grades, and a future so bright it outshone the sun. But now words like “separation” and “divorce” are sending her world plummeting to hell. Determined to keep her family intact, Ana plans a family-bonding trip from Vienna to Tuscany. Except fate has other plans. Ana’s parents and siblings are killed in a car accident on their way to pick Ana up from school. Enter Grim, aka Ernest. He promises to relinquish the four souls if Ana agrees to trade her soul for theirs and serve a lifetime as his novice. In order for Ana to graduate from her Reaper’s Novice station to a Soul Collector graduate, Grim puts her to test. To her horror, she finds out becoming a Reaper’s Novice didn't happen by chance. It was preordained, and she is forced to make a choice: save her family’s souls or come to terms with who she really is and complete the task set for her. Reaper’s Novice Book release January 10th, 2013 Book description: 17- year- old Ana Maria Tei’s life has always been perfect: loving parents, good grades, and a future so bright it outshone the sun. But now words like “separation” and “divorce” are sending her world plummeting to hell. Determined to keep her family intact, Ana plans a family-bonding trip from Vienna to Tuscany. Except fate has other plans. Ana’s parents and siblings are killed in a car accident on their way to pick Ana up from school. Enter Grim, aka Ernest. He promises to relinquish the four souls if Ana agrees to trade her soul for theirs and serve a lifetime as his novice. In order for Ana to graduate from her Reaper’s Novice station to a Soul Collector graduate, Grim puts her to test. To her horror, she finds out becoming a Reaper’s Novice didn’t happen by chance. It was preordained, and she is forced to make a choice: save her family’s souls or come to terms with who she really is and complete the task set for her. With my hand braced on the railing, I climb down. And stop. My mouth falls open. Whatever tendril of air stored in my lungs whooshes out at the sight in front of me. At the centre of the room, illuminated by a spotlight on the high ceiling, is a black robot-like thing looming above Rolf. It has glass for eyes, a hooked, cruel-looking nose, and a slash of jagged metal for a mouth. The shoulder width is about two feet, with huge arms bent on its sides. It’s cold, gleaming, and so inhuman. Chills skitter down my spine. When did he have time to work on this monstrosity? It wasn’t here last week. Given its size, this is something that needs months to accomplish. As if sensing me, Rolf stops swinging his hammer and looks over his shoulder. One side of his mouth kicks up. Even that smile is foreign. He shifts the hammer in his hands, then hooks it on the tool belt hugging his waist. His hair sticks out in all directions. Twenty minutes ago it was styled in his usual immaculate style. I grip the rail tighter. “Hey,” I say, my eyes trained on the… thing. “Um… I see you’ve been busy.” “Isn’t he amazing?” His voice is filled with reverence, and his eyes flash with maniacal light. I swallow to push my heart back to my chest. “Who is he, Ro?” “Haven’t found a name for him yet. But…” He fishes around the front pockets of the toolkit for something. When his hand reappears, it’s trembling. In it is a remote control. “Just look at this.” He presses some buttons. Immediately the eyes blink open, red as blood. The sound of metal grinding against metal fills the room as its mouth yawns open. Metal wings uncoil from behind the robot’s back, rising and spreading, and shrouding the room in darkness. A creature from hell. I stumble halfway up the stairs, falling back when my feet can’t hold me up any longer. Rolf moves to stand next to it, arms spread wide at his sides, and proclaims with a voice I have never heard leave his lips—deep and authoritative and cold—“Let the wars begin.” He focuses his eyes on me. “What do you think?” I think I’ve never seen anything as hideous and scary in my life. And what is with his voice? I nod. “Um… interesting. I—I’ll wait for you upstairs.”

New Year: Pretty much same writing goals

2013 I have the same writing goals as I did in 2012 such as editing with the help from my amazing, smart editor Lynnette Labelle I am so fortunate to have been referred to her almost a year and half now I have been working with her, the investment is well worth it because she doesn't hold back and really makes me work to make my chapters better. I advice writers pursuing the dream of getting published and an agent to research a great editor, no matter what level an author is at in regards to grammar, punctuation etc an excellent editor will be able to find things that was missed. Another goal that I am still pursuing is finding few beta readers my editor continued her awesomeness by referring me to her writers group and it has been helpful being part of a group with writers in various stages of the publishing journey and also skill, so that has helped me tighten my writing and also gain confidence to show my work and accept constructive critique. I hope 2013 will be the year things come together in regards to my dream however, I have come to the realization its not something that can be rushed nor is it my control whether that will happen what I have control over is writing and polishing the best manuscript. The other reality that came to me recently is that my novel I am working on may be my practice novel I have been busy and have written six novels since 2009 so again likely few of those may not see the light of day and could join the first as practice manuscript but I still have little bit of hope. So 2013 a fresh year in which I will work hard and continue to love writing.

Stress, reflections and writing

So I have hit a rather unfortunate snag in my writing nope its not writers block its stress,the type of stress that seemed to be dimming my many characters voices and that has angered me. I have been enduring a rather difficult situation at work and the stress revolves around the fact I cannot control the outcome--the outcome for me would be to eliminate the situation, to look at individuals who I felt wronged me and block them out so much so it'll seem like I don't know them. I realize that will never happen because its not realistic what is realistic is that I have to roll with the punches so to speak and deal with it, and deal with it means getting on with my life and in time it'll work out for itself. The truths that I am learning from my recent circumstances are as follows. 1. How people interpret what I do what I say is out of my control What is within my control is how I respond which hasn't been the most positive because I have let my anger get the best of me. 2. Its okay to let my guard down Trust is super important to me and I presume for many people that is also important but what I realize is that once I let down my guard I am at risk to get hurt so I can either live in a shell and only let the people I feel safe within my comfort zone or realize although I will get hurt I have to be optimistic that other people that cross my path will be good people. 3. Its okay to not be liked This reflection was difficult for me I use humor many times to hide my discomfort in social situations because my personality is more of a home body anyways as a writer whose pursuing the difficult dream of getting agent and published I realize many times I will judged by my writing; by critique partners/beta readers freelance editors agents/editors etc and majority of time those individuals may not get my writing and that is okay because it will not reflect who I am as a person so the key is to separate the two which is easier said than done. In conclusion writing is is part of me its been long gone from the outlet I utilized to deal with stress and merged to an actual job, a goal that I will persevere at until I get the results that I want which is to be published via the traditional way. Its fitting I write this post as the new year creeps closer, so my goal for 2013 other than getting a agent/published is to learn to deal with my stress better and realize the world I share with includes some people that will hurt me or have values that does not mesh with my values, and I must decide whether I want that hurt or differences in values consume me to the point I cannot focus on my writing or look at it the sensible way which is I am only in charge of me and also I am only human and will learn to be a better person based on my experiences.

Christmas short story

"Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word" Luke 1:38 My mother tucked me in bed, and then opened the book, she's going to read me the story about Mary, during the Christmas holidays I hear this story a lot at church, I snuggled more within the blanket, and focused on mom. She began that the angel Gabriel came to Mary, who thought she was dreaming, the angel told Mary it wasn't a dream and told her about her destiny. I began to drift off in thought about angels I wonder if angels have huge white wings, I watched a super hero movie that had angels, sometimes I wish I was a angel; an angel of the lord, cuz I would travel around the world and help the needy. Mamma, stopped reading and cleared her throat, my mother is like a super hero as if she can read my thoughts, right now the way she’s looking at me with her soft blue eyes; they are so calm even when I do the most naughtiest things. “Mama, I am listening.” I pouted. She smiled, and then began where she had left off, the angel told Mary about her destiny that her child will be Jesus. “Jared, Mary did not think twice she wanted Jesus and accepted that she will have a precious son.”I started to drift off again, my mother is the strongest women I know, I don’t have a father and mom never spoke about him, it’s just been us and I began think about my mother and Jesus mother, my mother has loved me from the moment she laid eyes on me, I know this because she never forgets to tell me, sometimes when I don’t clean my room, or forget to walk the dog, she reminds me a lot which sends me scurrying to clean my room, spic -and -span and take the dog out on a super duper long walk. “Mary accepted, she never questioned the angel, she accepted her fate.” Mama continued. Along their travels Joseph and Mary come upon a man that offered them a place to rest, it is there history was proclaimed. When I think about my mother I wouldn't change a thing, I am eight years old and I have made a promise too, I’ll protect my mother, and never forget to tell her everyday…especially the days I am not my best; that I love her with all my heart, you want to know a secret no matter what I do mamma… she always forgives me and then we bake the best chocolate chip cookies in all of Toronto. My mother loves me the same way Jesus loves us all, I think God gave us all mothers after creating the whole world and the universe he needed mothers to take good care of their children—his children. I hugged my mother, and tell her how much I love her, she lightly kissed me on the cheek and without saying any words I know that she loves me… well not the same as the way she loves the lord…but a close second. The End **I wrote this story for my church it is still a rough draft but I thought since its almost Christmas it seemed fitting to showcase my first short story, I never thought I could write one.