Saturday, December 29, 2012

Stress, reflections and writing

So I have hit a rather unfortunate snag in my writing nope its not writers block its stress,the type of stress that seemed to be dimming my many characters voices and that has angered me. I have been enduring a rather difficult situation at work and the stress revolves around the fact I cannot control the outcome--the outcome for me would be to eliminate the situation, to look at individuals who I felt wronged me and block them out so much so it'll seem like I don't know them. I realize that will never happen because its not realistic what is realistic is that I have to roll with the punches so to speak and deal with it, and deal with it means getting on with my life and in time it'll work out for itself. The truths that I am learning from my recent circumstances are as follows. 1. How people interpret what I do what I say is out of my control What is within my control is how I respond which hasn't been the most positive because I have let my anger get the best of me. 2. Its okay to let my guard down Trust is super important to me and I presume for many people that is also important but what I realize is that once I let down my guard I am at risk to get hurt so I can either live in a shell and only let the people I feel safe within my comfort zone or realize although I will get hurt I have to be optimistic that other people that cross my path will be good people. 3. Its okay to not be liked This reflection was difficult for me I use humor many times to hide my discomfort in social situations because my personality is more of a home body anyways as a writer whose pursuing the difficult dream of getting agent and published I realize many times I will judged by my writing; by critique partners/beta readers freelance editors agents/editors etc and majority of time those individuals may not get my writing and that is okay because it will not reflect who I am as a person so the key is to separate the two which is easier said than done. In conclusion writing is is part of me its been long gone from the outlet I utilized to deal with stress and merged to an actual job, a goal that I will persevere at until I get the results that I want which is to be published via the traditional way. Its fitting I write this post as the new year creeps closer, so my goal for 2013 other than getting a agent/published is to learn to deal with my stress better and realize the world I share with includes some people that will hurt me or have values that does not mesh with my values, and I must decide whether I want that hurt or differences in values consume me to the point I cannot focus on my writing or look at it the sensible way which is I am only in charge of me and also I am only human and will learn to be a better person based on my experiences.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas short story

"Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word" Luke 1:38 My mother tucked me in bed, and then opened the book, she's going to read me the story about Mary, during the Christmas holidays I hear this story a lot at church, I snuggled more within the blanket, and focused on mom. She began that the angel Gabriel came to Mary, who thought she was dreaming, the angel told Mary it wasn't a dream and told her about her destiny. I began to drift off in thought about angels I wonder if angels have huge white wings, I watched a super hero movie that had angels, sometimes I wish I was a angel; an angel of the lord, cuz I would travel around the world and help the needy. Mamma, stopped reading and cleared her throat, my mother is like a super hero as if she can read my thoughts, right now the way she’s looking at me with her soft blue eyes; they are so calm even when I do the most naughtiest things. “Mama, I am listening.” I pouted. She smiled, and then began where she had left off, the angel told Mary about her destiny that her child will be Jesus. “Jared, Mary did not think twice she wanted Jesus and accepted that she will have a precious son.”I started to drift off again, my mother is the strongest women I know, I don’t have a father and mom never spoke about him, it’s just been us and I began think about my mother and Jesus mother, my mother has loved me from the moment she laid eyes on me, I know this because she never forgets to tell me, sometimes when I don’t clean my room, or forget to walk the dog, she reminds me a lot which sends me scurrying to clean my room, spic -and -span and take the dog out on a super duper long walk. “Mary accepted, she never questioned the angel, she accepted her fate.” Mama continued. Along their travels Joseph and Mary come upon a man that offered them a place to rest, it is there history was proclaimed. When I think about my mother I wouldn't change a thing, I am eight years old and I have made a promise too, I’ll protect my mother, and never forget to tell her everyday…especially the days I am not my best; that I love her with all my heart, you want to know a secret no matter what I do mamma… she always forgives me and then we bake the best chocolate chip cookies in all of Toronto. My mother loves me the same way Jesus loves us all, I think God gave us all mothers after creating the whole world and the universe he needed mothers to take good care of their children—his children. I hugged my mother, and tell her how much I love her, she lightly kissed me on the cheek and without saying any words I know that she loves me… well not the same as the way she loves the lord…but a close second. The End **I wrote this story for my church it is still a rough draft but I thought since its almost Christmas it seemed fitting to showcase my first short story, I never thought I could write one.